Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Post Script to DV, Part 2

MckMama's post "Introducing....MckDaddy" sheds more light on their relationship, and the importance of money and disrespect on their failing marriage. I thought I'd add the log to the fire:

And I don't just mean a regular mess that many couples often face, I mean a mess I never in a trillion years imagined we'd get ourselves into. But we did. I was selfish and unloving to my husband for years. I was caught up in being a spectacular mother to our young children and I left him and his heart in the dust. During that same time, my husband got caught up in focusing on my negative qualities and he pulled away emotionally. He was very angry with me. On more than one occasion, his anger became so great that he made physical threats to me and I called the police on him.

At that point, things seemed literally hopeless. We endured a separation and at the same time, the bottom of the economy fell out and we were flat on our faces financially, too. Selfish choices we had made to spend beyond our means caught up with us quickly. It wasn't just the economy's fault; that just sped things up. We had made poor financial choices and lived for the moment. We blamed each other, lost a house, fought, dealt with all the emotions and tension that come with having a very sick son, lost a car, came exceedingly close to giving up on our entire marriage and have almost lost a second house.

Please note the last line is an outright lie. "Introducing.....MckDaddy" was published on February 15, and the "almost lost a second house" was actually released as a foreclosure for sale on February 10. The second house had to have foreclosed some time in January in order to be available for sale, making it very simply a "second foreclosure".

Also, commenter E and K had this to add to the "any marriage can be saved" conversation, and it had me thinking it was pertinent enough to add to this post script:
"However, when it comes to children I was appalled by her comments. I was most bothered by this statement--
Reply by MckMama
author of My Charming Kids
Raising 4 children and living to blog about
2/28/2010 8:57 PM
I totally see your point, SIF. If I were ever in a situation like that, I would have to seek some serious counsel. There certainly is something to be said for teaching our children to forgive the way God does, but there is something to be said for how they might perceive that what happened to them didn't matter. I probably won't say more on this specific topic, as I have no frame of reference for it. I am so sorry you went through abuse in your childhood. "

WHY would anyone even think that a molested child should be taught to forgive a molester?

The hierarchy of importance put on a husband when it comes to abuse and violence is concerning. If Submissive wives believe all marriages should be saved, how do they choose between their children (who in cases with the law involved would be indefinitely separated from their fathers) and their spouse?

Something else concerning to me (**these are solely my thoughts here**) is the number of times MckDaddy has mentioned his temper and yelling at his children. All parents lose their cool, but not all parents have been arrested twice for "emotional and verbal" domestic violence towards the mother. Anyone out there want to help me out here with what the differences are between "yelling" at your kids and verbal abuse towards children?